Strat-ification

Remember that scene in Wayne's World?  You know, the one where Wayne is playing Stairway on the Strat, and is accosted by the sales staff, who points at a sign?

Denied!

Stairway to Heaven aside, that must have been the first time the brand name of a guitar featured so heavily in a movie.  "A Fender Stratocaster.  Those are so expensive.  I wish I owned a real Stratocaster" said my early adolescent self, still pounding away Metallica riffs on my mother's acoustic - good for callouses by the way.

Fast forward to today and there's a different variation of Strat for every mood or flavor or whatever you're into.  "Swedish Anger Doom Metal"? Black Strat, black guard, EMGs.  Alt-Country-Psychedelic? Worn finish, 3 singles, two humbuckers, a light up pick guard and a Grateful Dead sticker... I guess? I'm not a Phish-head.

The point is, a Stratocaster can be anything... Here are my "anythings".

Emo-Caster

None more black than this Strat.  Never mind the blacked out tuxedo look - once plugged in this is about as subtle as a 15 year old with a nose ring and a mohawk, and sounds just as refined too (which is to say not). I need to buy black eyeliner and get a nose ring.

The cheapest of the bunch, the neck is thin and narrow.  Great for beginners, a decent backup, but not a primary guitar for the seasoned player. In other words, perfect for the 13 year old nose ring crowd.

The one in front doesn't realize it isn't a Black Parade

Les Strat

The Stratocaster that answers the question that nobody ever asked.  Dual humbuckers, speed knobs, and a super switch?  Check.  This one swears it's just as good as a Les Paul, never mind the different woods and construction.  A Strat body with a swimming pool rout and a trem cavity definitely will sound like 10 lbs of mahogany and maple, right?

How does this still weigh 8.5 lbs?!?!

Actually, it's pretty close.  Definitely more percussive snap out of the strings thanks to the longer scale length and the brass block, but the humbuckers get you close (Thanks GFS!).  The super switch gets you convincing single coil tones - scale length and "snap" are key here, which is why Les Paul or PRS splits never sound like the real thing.

Emo-kid still standing by himself.

The Japanese David Gilmore (デヴィッド·ギルモア)

If David Gilmore Japanese, this would be his guitar.  The TBX tone control is key to nailing that "so glassy your ears might split" tone - Definitely the kind of hi-fi, high powered sound required to run through 2 racks of chorus and delay required to play the first three tracks from "The Division Bell"

They're all true bypass you say? Huh?

With a 12' radius, a locking nut, and tremolo so perfectly designed it landed on the ash heap of history, this is the "Engineer's Stratocaster," as in "engineered so you can change anything." 

Want to replace the pickguard?  TOO BAD - custom shape to accommodate the bridge.  Change the bridge pickup?  NOPE - Three screw mounting, not two.  Go ahead, order THAT from Seymour.

The Eric Johnson

Last, but in no way least. Tone so perfect, you'll immediately replace the bridge pickup, just like Eric Johnson does!  Other than that, this one is pretty good.  Staggered tuners and a slightly thinner headstock mean no string trees. Tone control wired to bridge pickup, to tame the harshness you experience for 3 days before REPLACING THAT DAMN BRIDGE pickup.  Oh, and the truss rod, which needs adjusting.  So I have to take the neck off.  Thanks Eric.  Guess you live in a place that doesn't have 4 seasons.

Are they all Stratocasters?

Of course they are.  Fender tells me so.  Funny that the Stratocaster tries to be so many other things I guess. Certainly a contributor to their popularity, but you have to wonder if discovered flexibility is synonymous with inherent dissatisfaction - The Strat by itself could be better, and even Fender knows it.

At any rate, four seems too many to me.  Two must go.  After all, we need to make room for new toys, right?

She'd name this "Mint Cookie" or something.
That means I'd get to keep it.