You're Kidding, Right?

I came across this Epiphone Nighthawk in purple quilt the other day, posted as "For Trade". Not having anything I wanted to trade for this, I reached out after a few days, having noticed multiple posts, usually an indication of desperation on the part of the seller.
"How much?"
"$600"
Wait, what?
Better still, the seller had also posted their Roland Cube 80 for the low low price of $400. In case you're keeping score at home, that's a bit more than you could walk out of L&M with a brand new Boss Katana 50.
With that in mind, I've decided to compile a list of all the other, and better, things, one could buy with that same $1,000 this seller is expecting for his/her rig.
Genz Benz Black Pearl 30 - $600

"Three grand," said the shifty owner. "Last guy sold his Dr. Z to get this."
Uh huh. Funny enough, I ended up buying my Dr. Z Maz 38 shortly thereafter. Thanks for the recommendation, shifty store-owner!
With all that said, I still remember being blown away with how good that amp sounded. Well, here's one for a very reasonable price, especially when you consider that the cost of the Eminence Red Fang makes up nearly a third of the list price.
The catch? It's located about 600km away, which means I am now actively trying to find a reason to drive out that way to buy this.
LTD EC-1000 - $775

Forgoing the ridiculous abalone binding and inlays that plagued all LTD examples a few years ago, this is a classic looking example of this model - black with gold hardware AND binding.
EMGs might not be everyone's cup of tea, but lets face it: if you're buying this guitar instead of a more traditional Les Paul, you're looking for a hard rock machine.
You've definitely found it here.
Fender MIJ Blue Flower Stratocaster - $900

Fender Japan has always made quality stuff, and while the price feels a touch high, the inclusion of the shotgun case probably makes this worth it.
the example here isn't pictured with the original pickguard, but the owner insists that it is included in the sale. Good thing too, because the original pickguard absolutely take this guitar from kinda out there to mind-bending-greatness
If we're honest though, the parchment pickguard is probably the better choice.
Gibson Explorer Faded Studio - $1000

This faded Gibson Explorer is very similar to one the Coheed frontman, Claudio Sanchez, plays (he also has a classic white one sporting a PR flag).
The fan-boy in me would love to have this, but it also is just a great looking guitar. Again, EMGs are not for everyone, but you're probably not buying and Explorer for Hank Williams covers.
I would name this one Dora.
Heh.
I need to have this now.