The Least Cool Ever?

I haven't been able to obsess over guitars, amps, and pedals for the better part of the year so far, mostly on account of needing to obsess over fixing my car, which went from a minor annoyance to a full dose of OCD research, money, trial, money, error, money, time, money...

You get the idea.

Thankfully, and in no small part due to my father's willingness to trouble shoot problems over multiple weeks, I'm officially past these issues, and for the first time in a long time I've been finding myself coming back to Kijiji rather than researching some obscure automotive part or service procedure.

I can't say there is a theme to all of these, but the Telecaster count is pretty high, and 4 Stratocasters and only  single Telecaster in one's collection seems woefully imbalanced.

Also, and in case there was any confusion over this, I am unreservedly uncool, despite what might have been suggested.

LTD EC-1000 Deluxe - $750


I don't really get on with Les Pauls, but I've always wanted to find one I like - something that was super vintage sounding... something like a Telecaster on steroids.

Well, this is definitely not that.

This LTD Eclipse is definitely a modern rock machine, but I wonder if the tried and true JB/59 pickup combo would work some kind of magic.

If we're honest, it really is the looks here that are what is so attention grabbing.  A few years ago, LTD did these guitars with abalone (fake?) binding and inlays that made them all look like something out of Liberace's dressing room. Abandoning that faux-high end custom look in favour of a 1970's-Les-Paul-Custom-that's-seen-some-miles look is a huge step in the right direction.

Although there isn't any mention of a case, the price seems to be falling by $25 every few days, so you could either have a fairly unimpressive wine red Les Paul Studio, or something that is a little more head turning and probably sounds better if we're honest.

Fender Telecaster FMT HH - $650

Seymour Duncans and a single cut continue as a theme here, but this time in the guise of a Telecaster.  Much like how the Eclipse shape in the previous entry suggests Les Paul without actually being one, the set-neck Telecaster FMT suggests Telecaster, but is really more closely related to the Les Paul.

Mahogany body, dual Seymour Duncan humbuckers and a set neck definitely make this Fender's answer to the Les Paul Studio - HEY LOOK IT IS EVEN WINE RED!!!

Fret markers on this guitar remain dots like most Fenders, but in this case they are slightly larger abalone-ish dots that are pretty tastefully done.

There's probably a lesson there regarding super-blinged-out inlays on guitars: The shinier the material, the small the inlay should be.

Fender Roadworn Jazzmaster - $1,000

Fender's Road Worn series is a funny one, aping the relic'd guitars put out by the custom shop for a much lower price point. The problem, in my mind, has always been that they look close, but there is always something about the Custom Shop ones that look... better.

Not in this case though, as the seller may have cracked the code on this.  By adding a gold-anodized guard in place of the aged white one, they've aded a pretty decent custom shop vibe to this example.

A thousand bucks seems a bit steep to me, even with the upgraded saddles and bridge plate pressure roller attachment, especially for a guitar that serves as a number one for a comparatively small number of people. Once again the seller is attempting to pass on the cost of upgrades, which is only going to doom them.

I don't know why, but my gut is telling me this is a good buy at $800.

Squier Baritone Jazzmaster - $400

Well this is different.

A baritone Jazzmaster in none-more-black.

Here's the part I don't get: Completely blacked out says "I AM METAL AF", but the traditional Jazzmaster pickups say "on the other hand..."

$400 isn't a big ask, and of all the things on this list, the price of this makes it the most tempting.

Not sure I can get over the black though.

Fender '69 Thinline Telecaster - $725

I think Fender have continued to make a huge mistake with the thinline Telecasters coming out of Mexico; These guitars are offered in what has to be the more boring colors imaginable.

I say this having fallen in love with a Nash '69 thinline in Lake Placid Blue a number of years ago while I was visiting St. Louis. Truth be told it was the neck that I loved, but it was the color that got me pulling a thinline off the wall in the first place.

Back to this example, I can't help but wonder if the treatment the road-worn Jazzmaster above wouldn't behoove this guitar.  Maybe gold-anodized in this case as well.

That might actually make a big difference.

Fender '52 Telecaster CIJ - $900

I have a soft spot in my heart for "Crafted in Japan" Fenders, mostly on account of living in Japan during that production period (they are now back to "Made in Japan").

I even owned a '62 reissue that I very much regret selling (a ST-62TX), which sounded fantastic. Of all the gear I've sold over the years, that guitar is the one I'd have back.

So here we have a '52 reissue CIJ that is in a blond, but not butterscotch, finish. For my money, this would absolutely be the correct choice, as I've always found the butterscotch blonde the '52 reissues typically wear to be way too yellow.

I like that the neck and the guitar are not the same color is what I'm saying...

Of everything on this list, money no object, this is the one to have, with understated good looks and an air of a guitar worth much more than the nine bills you spend.

From across a room, even those in the know might assume this was out of the Custom Shop.

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